Skiing and Cookies
by Maiko2853
Summary: Jake, Tsu'tey, and Norm have a skiing race. The losers have to eat Neytiri's cookies.


The longest one so far. Rated T for swearing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar. James Cameron does.

* * *

**_Skiing and Cookies_**

Tsu'tey tried to remember how he'd gotten into this mess. It had all started one day at Hometree when Jakesully and Grace had been talking about an earth game called "skiing". Tsu'tey had recalled Grace talking about it in the old school one time. The reason he recalled it at all was because he had tried to do the game himself.(1)

All Tsu'tey had found out was that he was terrible at the sky people's skiing. Of course, he would never let Jakesully know that. Jakesully had apparently been telling the children what he knew about the skiing and that he was really good at the game. Tsu'tey had been irked by this and had joined in on the conversation.

Tsu'tey's extreme arrogance had been his downfall right from the start. He had bragged on and on about how much better he was then Jakesully. After a while of this, his rival had gotten irritated and immediately challenged him to a skiing race. Once again, Tsu'tey's arrogance had been his downfall, as he would never back down from a challenge. No matter how stupid or idiotic it was, or how bad he was at it, Tsu'tey would always take a challnge head on.

And this was why he was currently on a snowy mountaintop. That's right, a MOUNTAINTOP, with dangerously scattered trees, rocks, vines, cliffs, and only Eywa knows what else. Jakesully was on one side of him, and Norm was on the other. Norm had wanted to join in on the race after he heard about it. Naturally, Tsu'tey had taken the extra challenge.

"Okay, so everybody here knows the rules, first one to the bottom wins, no second winners, and the losers have to taste test Neytiri's cookies." Norm said.

It was yet another reason for Tsu'tey to regret this challenge. Grace was teaching Neytiri how to make cookies today. He himself had always been a master cook when it came to the sky people's various recipes. But Neytiri had never been much of a cook even with the na'vi's simple foods.

No matter how good she was at everything else, Neytiri was a horrible cook. No two ways about it. She had, on several different occasions, burnt food that she wasn't even supposed too cook! This was mainly because Neytiri had this odd habit of becoming incredibly clumsy when cooking.

She was a graceful hunter, outmatched only by Piral. But when it came to cooking, Neytiri often tripped seemingly over thin air. She strangely only happened to trip when carrying various plants that wasn't supposed to be cooked. The plant food also had a strange oddity of landing directly in the cooking fire whenever Neytiri tripped.

Tsu'tey suddenly felt a burst of confidence. Their was no way he was going to be Neytiri's food taste tester again. Tsu'tey set himself into position.

"Okay you guys, ready?" Norm asked.

"Dude, I'm so ready!" Jake screamed

Tsu'tey just nodded his head.

"Go!" Norm shouted.

Norm suddenly sped down the hill at insane speeds as Jake and Tsu'tey chased after him.

* * *

"So tell me again how you all ended up hurting yourselves?" Grace asked.

Grace was obviously not happy as she looked at the three men's heavily battered forms.

"Well, this is what happened." Norm began.

* * *

"Go!" Norm shouted.

Jake and Tsu'tey quickly caught up to him and they were all racing neck to neck. Norm got in front while Jake and Tsu'tey fought each other and headed down farther to the edge of the hill. When he was there, Norm pulled out a panther costume and put it on, learning previously of the former marines fear.

FLASHBACK!

Neytiri was looking at earth animals on a data-pad. "Jakesully, what is this beautiful creature in the data-pad I am seeing?"

Jake took one look at the picture and unleashed a girly scream. "AAAAAAAHHHHHH! Get it away from me Neytiri! Get it away!"

"But Jakesully, it is merely a-"

"No! No! No! No! No! Keep it away!" Jake screamed as he grabbed a club from a random warrior.

Neytiri chose to abandon the data-pad as Jake began smashing it with the club while screaming and cursing. Everyone just looked at him oddly while Norm snickered from his spot.

END FLASHBACK!

He saw Jake and jumped out. Jake let out a high-pitched scream. He took no notice to the blue skin or the fact that the "panther" was ten feet tall.

Jake started running the other way and Tsu'tey looked over. Seeing your fearless rival scream for dear life from this unknown creature was… simply enlightening. Tsu'tey laughed mockingly at Jake, and then found out that irony had a funny side. Well, not to him at least. While he was busy laughing, Tsu'tey ran into a MASSIVE tree branch. And at the speed he went at, Eywa knows if he'll ever want to go skiing again.

Norm ran to the finish line and began to do a victory dance until Jake and Tsu'tey got their hands on him.

* * *

"And that's why Jake's on the ground in a fetal position sucking his thumb, Tsu'tey with two black eyes and a broken nose, and me with a bruised body, possibly broken bones, and a switched kidney and appendix."

"How their all men, I'll never know." Grace said, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Hey look, cookies!" Norm said with a smile on his face.

"Norm, no, don't, Neytiri made those!" Tsu'tey and Jake screamed in union.

Neytiri huffed and left the cooking area.

"What!" Norm said through a mouthful of cookies.

"Don't swallow!" Tsu'tey and Jake shouted in union again.

They pounced on Norm and heard a loud, GULP! Eyes big, they got off of there soon to be gone scientist and helped him up.

"Sorry man, what kind of flowers do you want at your funeral?" Jake asked.

"What are you talking about? I'm okay!" Norm said, looking down at himself.

He stretched out his arms and twisted his body around to look at his back, no bleeding so far.

"No nothing! No vomit, no death, no, no… nothing!" Norm said, patting his face to make sure.

"You're right." Jake said in amazement.

"So… they're safe to eat?" Tsu'tey asked

"Guys, their as safe as a panther." Norm said.

They just looked at him.

"You know what I mean!"

"Grace, you are a really good cook, you know?" Norm said with milk in one hand and a panther shaped cookie in the other.

"Thank you Norm, now you three go apologize to Neytiri." Grace said crossly.

"Why?" Jake asked

"Norm, no, don't, Neytiri made those", ring any bells? She's crying too, so you'll have to answer to Tsu'tey after you apologize."

"Great." Jake and Norm muttered in union as Tsu'tey smirked devilishly.

The three of them walked to Neytiri with their heads down.

Jake went first. "Neytiri, were sorry we made such a big deal out of you cooking."

Norm went next. "I'm sorry as well, I should not have discriminated against you just because it is the first time you made cookies."

Tsu'tey went last and opened his mouth to speak. But found himself unable to find the right words. So he hugged her instead. Neytiri returned the hug.

"Thank you Tsu'tey, you are a man of action, not words." Neytiri whispered.

Neytiri pulled away and smiled at all of them. "Now, will you all please feast on the rest of the cookies I have made?"

The three men started scarfing down the cookies. Enjoying them immensely.

* * *

Jake felt himself connect with his avatar and opened his eyes. He yawned, pulled himself out of the hammock, and quickly made his way down to base level.

He saw Mo'at and walked up to her. "Good morning Mo'at."

Mo'at turned her head to reply and stopped when she saw Jake. Was that a shocked look on her face?

"What's wrong? Is their something on my face?" Jake asked nervously.

Mo'at frowned. "Jakesully, why is your skin oddly colored?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Jakesully, I believe you should look at your hands."

"Okay, but I don't see-HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT THE F(BEEP) HAPPENED TO MY SKIN COLOR!"

At that moment, Norm walked in, wondering what the commotion was all about.

"Hey Jake, what's all the-HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR SKIN!" Norm cried.

"I should be asking you the same question!" Jake cried back.

Norm looked at his arms and nearly freaked out by what he saw. Tsu'tey walked into the area. He took one look at them and started laughing.

"Both your skins look ridiculous!"

Tsu'tey stopped laughing when he noticed his skin was the same color. Grace walked into the clearing. She was the same color.

"Um, Grace, your skin-"

"I'M AWARE NORM SPELLMON!" Grace snapped, obviously not pleased.

Neytiri walked into the area and saw their skin color. It was a sickly tie-die of green, blue, and yellow. There was a red polka dot pattern on top of that skin color.

"What happened to your skin!" Neytiri laughed

"I have no clue." Jake said.

"It was probably Neytiri's cookies!" Norm cried accusingly.

"But Grace has a different skin color, and she didn't eat the cookies." Tsu'tey reasoned.

"Actually I did eat one of the cookies." Grace confessed.

"Then that means it was Neytiri's cooking was responsible for this!" Norm shouted.

"Sorry Neytiri, but I'm afraid you're going to have to be punished. GET HER!" Jake screamed.

Neytiri turned and ran as Jake, Norm, Tsu'tey, and Grace chased after her. Mo'at sat there and smiled as Eytukan walked into the clearing.

"So, did it work?" Eytukan asked.

Mo'at smiled. "After sneaking my special ingredient into the cookies, I don't think Neytiri will be cooking again for many turns of the season."

* * *

**_BONUS CHAPTER!_**

Jake looked at himself in the water. After five days his skin was finally back to it's normal color. Neytiri walked up to Jake and looked at him. She stood there until he realized she was there.

"Oh, hello Neytiri, time for some more lessons?"

"Actually Jakesully, I wish to inquire something."

"Okay, fire away."

"Jakesully, why are you afraid of panthers?"

Jake looked around and noticed other people in the area were watching. He decided to ignore them.

"Well, it all happened back when I was ten years old. I was out hunting with my father and some of his friends. We were in the forest and a panther suddenly jumps out and my dad's friend, Kyle, shoots and kills it."

"If the panther was killed, then why are you scared of them?" Neytiri questioned.

"I'm getting to that part. So anyway, my dad and his friends started drinking in celebration of a successful hunt. That means consuming large amounts of alcohol. At this point, Kyle's drunk off his ass. But because he was drunk, he decided to do something real dumb."

"Which was?"

"Without first checking to see if the panther was dead, he leans over to kiss the panther on the head. Unfortunately, it turns out the panther wasn't QUITE dead yet. So when Kyle leaned over it, the panther jumps up, wraps his maw around Kyle's neck, and rips his throat clean open. The panther then got up and ran off into the woods. And that's why I'm afraid of panthers."

Neytiri stood their for a few seconds as she took it all in.

"So you're afraid of panthers because your friend was killed by one when you were very young?"

"Yes."

Neytiri smiled. "Is that why you scream in girlish fright whenever someone mentions palulukan around you, because it looks like a giant, six-legged panther."(2)

Everyone who was listening laughed.

"Shut up Neytiri." Jake mumbled under his breath.

* * *

(1) This is back when the na'vi were still calling Jake both his first and last name as one word.

(2) Palulukan is the na'vi name for the Thanator. I think it looks like a giant, six-legged panther.

I hope you enjoyed it. Remember to review.


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